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  ANGUISH

  Together Always Series Book One

  Lillie Jayne

  Copyright © 2020 by Lillie Jayne

  Cover Design: Garrett Leigh, Black Jazz Designs

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  For my Family,

  Who always believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself.

  I love you all more than words can ever say.

  When he was asked ‘What is a friend?’ he said ‘One soul inhabiting two bodies.’

  Aristotle

  Contents

  Note to the Reader

  Introduction

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Helplines

  Thank You

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Coming Soon by Lillie Jayne

  Note to the Reader

  Those who are potentially triggered by date-rape, homophobic language, and mild domestic violence should consider this book may not be for you.

  While I’ve kept the details of such events to a bare minimum and used discretion where I could, these events still occur in this book and are pivotal to the story.

  The story, however, does not concentrate on these events in particular, but more about the effects they have on the relationship between the two main characters.

  If you still want to read on, please, enjoy!

  Introduction

  Born only a week apart, Theo and Finn have a tight bond no one can sever, and they rarely leave each other’s side. But a traumatic event will place an unbearable strain on their friendship and change the course of both men’s lives forever.

  Theo Worthington loves nothing more than hanging out with friends, clubbing, and having beautiful women in his bed. But with the clock ticking until he has to take the reins of the family business from his domineering and oppressive father, it’s only a matter of time before he must give up the job he loves and man he cherishes for the bureaucratic hypocrisy he despises.

  There will be no room in Theo’s new life for his bisexual best friend, Finn.

  Finn Tyler has a secret. He’s been in love with his best friend, Theo, since they were teens. Although it kills him, he can never confess. Between Theo’s homophobic father and the fear of breaking their unique bond, Finn must suffer in silence and watch the love of his life screw countless women. Finn knows the time will come when Theo leaves the city for familial obligations…and he’ll be left behind to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.

  The two men will face life without each other’s constant presence, and Finn must decide whether to confess his feelings for Theo or let him leave, never knowing the truth.

  They formed a pact when they were just kids to be together, always.

  But soon, time and distance will test the strength of this pact, and both men must confront their true feelings for one another or risk losing a best friend…and maybe more…forever.

  Chapter 1

  THEO

  Almost home, Theo. Take a deep breath and relax.

  I fiddle with the buttons on the dash to turn up the heat, as cold shivers brand my skin with goosebumps. A blast of hot air circles the car interior, doing its damn best to permeate my frozen skin. But nothing can warm me tonight. My mind and body are like permafrost—impenetrable.

  My life is shit sometimes, though most consider me fortunate. I have plenty of money, after all. Wealth is not a precursor to happiness, though, no matter how big my bank balance. Shitty things still happen to good people, and I’m no exception.

  In high society, I must meet expectations. Reputation is everything, and it’s expected that the firstborn son of Theodore Worthington II follow in his father’s footsteps. Except, I have no intention of ever doing so.

  Yet, I’m a coward.

  Oh, I’m always full of great intentions. Like preparing to tell my old man to go fuck himself and his business. Until I’m in the presence of the great wanker himself. Then, my bravado slithers down my backbone and shoots out of my arse until it’s so far away, I need Google Earth to locate it.

  I can never stand up to him alone. With Finn there, I find it easy. I’m his protector, his best friend, and someone must shield him from the sadistic bastard. But alone? I try like hell to make stand against my father—to tell him I refuse to be his nepotistic apple polisher. But he’s a powerful force to be reckoned with. Teddy Worthington doesn’t take no for an answer.

  Today is one example.

  It started over a quiet game of golf.

  My father, in tweed plus-fours and a matching sweater vest, looked like a pompous twat, by definition. I wore stylish ripped jeans and an old Deep Red Dawn t-shirt. I might be a coward in his esteemed presence, but I would be a comfortable coward.

  Of course, this went down like a shit sandwich at a bake sale.

  “Theodore, really. Must you wear those ridiculous clothes? It would be fair to assume you were dragged up by the local rabble,” he griped, narrowing his bushy eyebrows and pointing his driver at me while I waited to tee off.

  I looked ridiculous? Obviously, he didn’t consult a mirror before leaving the house.

  Pretentious arsehole.

  “Well, Father, had you graced me with fair warning of this little divertissement, I would have worn something more fitting. You allowed me three hours. The drive alone took that in morning rush hour.”

  Positioning my feet next to the tee, I gripped the driver and hoped like hell I would hit the ball as I practiced my swing. I envisaged the ball being my father’s bald head.

  “Yes, well, next time, wear something suitable for a round of golf. You’re embarrassing me.”

  The club made a “whoosh” sound as it swung for the little white ball, but all I achieved was throwing up a divot. Twice more proffered the same results. I simmered on the inside. The old bastard hooted with laughter, his floppy jowls wobbling up and down like a bulldog eating toffee. He knew I couldn’t play to save my life. Face burning with humiliation, this was my punishment for shaming him.

  Sadistic prick.

  After conceding defeat early on, I followed him to the clubhouse for refreshments. He looked at me over his large gin and tonic, assessing eyes scrutinising me, once again. A clear indicator that the usual lecture would begin.

  “So, Theodore, when are you going to get your head out of your arse and commit to the family business? You appreciate it will pass to you upon my retirement? Or sooner?”

  I choked on my Grey Goose, spraying it all over the pristine white tablecloth. Grabbing the nearest napkin, I dried my face with as much finesse as a baby chimp.

  Straight to the point, it would seem.

  “You know how I feel about that, Father. We’ve had this discussion, and I’ve made my position crystal clea
r. You’re aware that I own a successful veterinary clinic in London and have an outstanding reputation as a vet—”

  “Yes, yes.” He cut me off with a wave of his chubby hand. “Of course, I am aware of that. Lord knows you remind me often enough. I thought you would have tired of it by now, got it out of your system. You’ve had your fun. Now it’s time to take your place at my side and join the ranks of corporate investments. It’s your future, Theodore, and yours to pass on to your own children. It has been in the family for three generations. Your grandfather and I didn’t work our arses off our entire lives for you to throw it all away over some…fad.”

  “Fad? You think my career is a fad?” I sniped in a harsh whisper, leaning over the table to emphasise my point.

  Now that he had my unwavering attention, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. “Stop making a scene, son, and grow up. You’re approaching thirty, and I am putting my foot down with you. Enough with the shenanigans in the city and slumming it with that waste of space. It’s bad enough that you flaunt your debauchery, but to associate with a queer? I won’t have it, Theodore. Do you hear me?” His voice was cold and calm, but his face was scarlet with restrained rage.

  He would save the privilege of his tantrum for the walls of Worthington Hall. Never in public.

  “Here’s the deal. You have six months to wrap up your affairs in the city and return home to assist me in running the business. Six months, Theodore.” My eyes widened, but before I could speak, he carried on. “If you do not, then I will not hesitate to sell everything and leave your mother destitute.”

  “Before you resort to blackmail, Father, remember, I can look after Mother.”

  “I’m sure you can, but what about Finn’s mother, Rose? She would be homeless and jobless. Are you going to look after them both? Her useless excuse for a son can hardly take care of her. He’s a feckless musician who’s been leeching off you for years. He’ll never amount to anything.”

  Choosing to ignore his gross misrepresentation of my friendship with Finn, I smirked and replied, “I’m sure Mother would have a spare room for Rose. They live together now, so…”

  “Careful, son. Do not test me.”

  He leaned forward, menace twisting his puffy, red face.

  “I know about his little ‘indiscretion’ fourteen years ago. And I have the evidence to prove it. I will not hesitate to use it if need be.”

  My eyes widened, and my gut twisted, dread stealing my voice.

  “How do you know about that?” I whispered, swallowing hard.

  “Nothing gets past me, son. Remember that.” He sat back, sipping his drink and smirking like the smug bastard he was.

  I should have told him right then to shove his business and estate up his arse. My bravado should have come leaping into the foray, waving a sword and shield with a loud battle cry.

  Instead, I felt sickened. Shock had rendered me silent. He knew about Finn’s incident, and I had no doubt he would use it if I pushed him.

  “I own you, Theodore. Remember that.”

  Jerking out of my seat, I glared at him with the most contempt I could summon. “Fine. Six months. I’ll be there. Just leave Finn the fuck out of this.” I spun on my heels and stormed out of the building. His malicious chuckle rang in my ears as I went.

  Back to my life in the city.

  Back to my best friend, who was always there for me unconditionally.

  Chapter 2

  THEO

  Three hours of driving in heavy traffic was hell. I’m tired and irritated as I drag my feet along the pavement toward my local pub to meet my friends. The discussion with my old man is fucking with my head, especially when I think of Finn. I must protect him at any cost. Fuck. Six months isn’t long enough. I’m not ready.

  I can’t tell him my father knows what he did in college. He’s aware of how much Teddy hates him, that he’ll do anything to separate us. He’s suffered enough at that monster’s despicable hands. Finn’s whole childhood, Teddy abused him, both physically and mentally, made possible by Finn’s parents working for my family’s estate.

  His parents came to work for mine before we both bounced into the world, and they lived in a cottage on the grounds of my parents’ mansion in the Hampshire countryside. Rose works as our housekeeper, and his dad was our groundsman until he left when Finn was two.

  Since we were born within a week of each other, our mothers raised us to be best friends, much to my father’s chagrin. Finn always came to the house with his mother, anyway; it made sense. Another child to play with socialised me. I would have been lonely without him. We did everything together.

  Teddy’s latest threat has the potential to tip him over the edge.

  I arrive at The Queen’s Head with sorrow in my heart and a lead weight in my belly.

  It’s open mic night, which attracts amateur singers of all ages. Many famous bands or solo artists kickstarted their careers by singing here. It’s a relatively small pub a few blocks from our flat in Chelsea. The atmosphere is cosy and welcoming—a hidden gem, really. We often hang out here with our friends on Friday nights to listen to the newest talent.

  Finn is performing tonight. He’s played the guitar since he was ten. We both have. But Finn is the true vocalist. His voice is gravelly and intense, where mine is hollow, quiet. He sounds like a blend of James Arthur and Lewis Capaldi—mesmerising to listen to and watch.

  The longing to see him, after the day I’ve had, quickens my steps. He always makes me happy. It’s his energy, his aura. He’s a natural worrier, but he’s vibrant and sunny, too. The light in my darkness; the summer in my winter. I’m at peace in his presence, protected, safe. That’s why I nicknamed him “Sunshine.”

  Pushing open the door, I spot my friends seated at a table near the small stage at the back of the room. I see Finn first, tuning his acoustic guitar, while talking to Ellis and Fiona. Girlfriends of a few years now, they were the first people we met when we moved to the city. Our other friend, Lewis, stares at his phone, while our old college mate, Dan, is at the bar.

  My first pit-stop.

  “Hey, mate. I got you a beer. Finn told me you were on your way,” Dan greets me, giving me a quick hug and back slap.

  It’s a typical bro hug, the way most guys hug each other. Well, except for Finn and I. We hug properly and don’t give a shit who’s watching. We really don’t. We’re often mistaken for a couple because we’re so tactile with each other. When you grow up with someone, it happens. We’re comfortable with it now. Find it amusing, actually.

  “Thanks, Dan. I appreciate it. I need this tonight.” I raise the bottle to my lips and take a hearty swig of ice-cold beer.

  “Bad day? Finn mentioned you got summoned to the Devil’s Palace.”

  The Devil’s Palace is Dan’s nickname for Worthington Hall, our family home in the Hampshire countryside where my parents live. Especially if the old bastard is in residence.

  “Yeah, and then some. Same shit different day, my friend. The usual lecture, seasoned with a touch of blackmail, was on the menu this time,” I scoff. “I wanted to punch that smug grin off his fucking fat face. He thinks he’s got one over me this time. Maybe he has.” I sigh and shake my head.

  “Shit. I’m not even going to ask. I’m glad I grew up without a dad. My mum might have struggled financially, but at least she expected nothing from me other than my happiness.”

  “Well, you’re lucky. My old man expects my co-operation, regardless of what I want. I have no choice.” I give him a non-committal shrug. “Anyway, let’s forget about him and grab a seat. Any promising singers yet?” Talking about my old man is a bad idea. I don’t want to ruin Finn’s night.

  “Um, it’s been a little slow tonight, but it’s still early. Then again, I’m biased. No one ever compares to Finn, so who am I to judge?” He winks and grins as we head to our table.

  Before I can sit my grumpy arse in a chair, Finn gets up and comes toward me. He throws his strong arms around my
neck when I meet him halfway. I wrap my arms around his waist in return, squeezing tightly, then I let out a deep sigh, and finally relax. He always grounds me. Pacifies me.

  “Sunshine. Am I fucking glad to see you?” I whisper in his ear before pulling back.

  Finn runs his fingers over the sleeve of my jacket. “Hey, Doc. I’m relieved you got back in one piece. I was starting to worry.” The lines on his forehead are evidence he’s still troubled, and I know it’s because I’ve seen Teddy.

  His voice lowers to a whisper, but loud enough for me to hear above the music. “Are you okay? You look…”

  I nod once, which he returns, before I reply. “You all set? What are you singing?” I ask in a jovial tone.

  “Nuh-uh, Theo,” he admonishes, shaking his head at me. “Wait and see like everyone else. It’s a surprise, which I’ll ruin if I tell you.” He bops me on the nose with his index finger and I grin. Daft sod.

  “I fucking love surprises,” I state, forcing a laugh as I fall into my chair.

  Finn narrows his eyes at me before sitting back down, beaming a beautiful, sunny smile in my direction. A warm, tingling sensation imbues me. It takes the edge off my bad mood considerably. I’m glad he didn’t ask about Teddy, though I know he won’t do that in front of our friends. That is a subject for private ears only.